


The Dead I Am

by grimdarkpixels



Category: The Dead I Know - Scot Gardner
Genre: Accidental suicide but still, Anxiety, Gen, I wrote this for a school assessment yeet, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Technically spoilers but this character is already dead in the book so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 17:04:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimdarkpixels/pseuds/grimdarkpixels
Summary: The ocean was the last safe place in my world.





	The Dead I Am

The ocean was the last safe place in my world.

I stared down into the inky water, listened to the tide crashing against the base of the cliff. The sun was just about to vanish on the horizon. The sky was mostly black, yet I was no longer afraid of the dark.

I had just broken up with my boyfriend. I told him my reasoning, and I told him it wasn't his fault, but he kicked me out anyway. I had stormed out and slammed the door behind me and immediately had a panic attack over what I'd just done. I couldn't go back, but my only friends lived in the next town over and I wasn't sure I could get there in my current state. I'd left my phone and wallet at his place, so I was mostly stuck.

Going to the ocean was really my only option.

Standing on the edge of the cliff on the wrong end of twilight, I had nothing to think about except everything in my life that was going wrong. My anxiety was getting worse every day, I wasn't able to concentrate, I kept alternating between starving myself and eating half of the contents of my fridge in one go, my family was ignoring my visibly deteriorating mental state, my boyfriend is probably breaking all my stuff in a fit of rage and, god, the water was so loud now. Was it always that loud?

Did it always look that fake?

Am I losing my mind?

The sun was completely gone now. I was alone. There's no one in sight.

Just take a breath, Amanda. You've pulled through these moods before, you can do it again.

But can I when I'm standing right above an exit?

 

...It's been a few minutes. I open my eyes (when did I close them?) and I can see light from a street lamp a few meters away.

It's okay. You're okay.

Everything is going to be alright.

 

I slip.

It happens too fast for me to react, but I slide on a wet patch of grass, or a rock, or something. I go tumbling off the cliff and I can't grab the ledge in time. Oh God, I'm going to die. I just calmed down, I did everything right, why am I falling, no, no, no, I'm not ready, someone help me--

My feet land first, and the rest of me falls face down. I feel sharp jagged rocks scratch me open. I think my legs are trapped between the rocks. I desperately try to swim up, but I can't move. The seawater burns my lungs, my eyes, my fresh wounds, and the pain shooting through my legs is almost too much to bear.

It's not something I can adapt to. It's not something I can escape from. All I can do is thank heaven above when it finally ends.

The ocean is the last safe place in my world.

And now it's become my grave.


End file.
